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I decided to start reading more. I grabbed ten books to add to my Kindle collection which I don’t even really have an interest in reading. I said I’d start to read them since someone at work was already reading one of the books. I’m not sure why I agreed or even volunteered to read the series with them. I think I wanted to feel less left out and more included on things I’m not even missing out on. I’m trying to throw myself out into the world of other people and feel less like someone who doesn’t care about anyone. Although, I feel like most of the times I speak to anyone, it’s for selfish reasons. I want to tell them about myself. I don’t see blogging being any different from that other than the fact that the conversation is entirely one sided.

I enjoy being the star of the show from time to time. I don’t always want to be the one with things to be said or come up with things to do. I want to be noticed. I don’t even mind if it’s in a way that people just say with their eyes, “I realize that you’re here, and I like that that’s the case.” It sounds lame, but I don’t really know that anyone doesn’t want to be recognized. Maybe it’s that I am lacking recognition from work that is really bothering me the most. I excel at my job and get nothing for it. It would be nice to hear a “Good work” from time to time.

Instead of searching for a new job, I’ve decided to take a different approach. I’m getting a real estate license. I’m half terrified because I told myself I’d never want to get into sales. But if we get down to it, you’re always selling something whether it’s yourself to someone at a job interview — No, really. I can do this job. Hire me. — trying to get someone to go with you somewhere or really anything. Always selling. It’s a matter of what you’re selling and to whom. It’s slightly terrifying, but I think that I’ll be good at it. I enjoy talking to people even if they can be difficult. I also enjoy showing people things and being able to really help them envision things (at least, in terms of imagination and wild ideas goes) so maybe I’ll do well at this. The scariest part is not knowing if you’ll be able to make it work financially. My life is already a financial crisis, but I guess I’ll never get myself out of it if I don’t take risks.